Touched for a thousand times
by littletreeGul
Summary: Apollo and Starbuck discover, that they feel more than friendship for each otherwarning :slash,character death


Header

title: Touched for a thousand times  
genre: angst, drama, slash  
fandom: TOS:BSG  
rating: generally PG, but with NC-17 parts  
characters: Apollo, Starbuck, Cassie, Sheba, Boxy  
Beta :millari, thanks ;-)  
discalimer: Battlestar Galactica belongs to Glean Larson, I don´t make money with it.

teaser/summary: Apollo and Starbuck start feeling more than friendship for each other, but do they have a future together... ?!

Touched for a thousand times

Starbuck was laying in his rack unable to sleep. He was thinking of his last patrol with Apollo; nothing unusual had happened, but somehow he had felt very close to him that day.

He shook his head. What nonsense; of course he felt that way. Apollo was his best friend, his brother and a part of the family that he never had. But still, it didn't feel right. For the first time he had recognized how pretty Apollo was, those green eyes together with the brown hair, the cheekbones. Starbuck couldn´t find a better word to describe him.

He remembered last week's triad-training, or more precisely, what had happened in the locker-room afterwards.

Like every time he was standing under the shower, facing the wall, soaping himself , he would suddenly get the feeling that he was being watched. When he did slowly turn around, wiping soap from his eyes, .Apollo was standing right there, a towel around his hips, which wasn't unusual except for the look in his eyes He seemed to feel like he'd been caught somehow and dropped his eyes.

Starbuck knew about the effect that he had on women…and men, as well. During his youth he had been rather curious and open- minded when it came to that. But he never thought it possible that his friend Apollo might feel that way for him. Maybe he was misunderstanding his behaviour, but he had to admit, he liked the idea of Apollo secretly wanting him.

The next morning, the pilots were having breakfast at the officers mess. Apollo and Starbuck were talking about their next patrol, when Boxy and Muffit entered the room. "Look Dad !" He waved a sheet of paper.

"What have you got , Boxy ?" Apollo reached out for the paper. "It's a drawing that I made for you !" He had a closer look at it; a brown, triangular something with blue strips coming from its front, and a kind of ball. Apollo had absolutely no idea what it was supposed to be, but didn't want to disappoint Boxy by asking. Starbuck leaned over to them. "What's that, Boxy?" "That's Daddy in his Viper shooting at a  
Cylon basestar !" He beamed at his stepfather. "Thank you, Boxy, well done." Apollo gently stroked his hair. "But now you have to go to school. Athena is waiting for you!" Muffit barked. "Come on, Muffit, we got to go now!"

Right after Boxy had left, the alarm went off. Apollo got up, grabbed his helmet, and ran towards the hangar deck. Starbuck followed him. Minutes later, both were sitting in their cockpits, getting launching clearance from Rigel. Apollo accelerated his Viper and prepared for a fight against the Cylons.  
"Apollo to Starbuck, do you have them on your scanner ?"  
"Starbuck here, I don't see any Cylons. What the frak is that, a false alarm? Where are they?"  
"Blue Leader to Air Group, does anybody have anything on the screen?"  
"No, I don't", Sheba answered.  
"Apollo, beware! Right behind you!", Starbuck warned.  
Out of the blue , a single Raider appeared behind Apollo´s Viper. Starbuck tried to hit it, but missed. That was the perfect opportunity for the Raider to open fire on Apollo´s Viper. He evaded that shot in time, but a second Raider opened fire on him. The first shot missed its target, but the next one was a straight hit. Apollo´s Viper exploded in a ball of fire.  
Starbuck was paralysed. He couldn't believe what he'd just seen. "Apollo !, Apollo!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "Apollo!"

Someone was shaking him. "Starbuck, calm down! Hey, Starbuck?"  
He opened his eyes. Apollo was standing next to his bed, his hands on Starbuck's shoulders. It was dark in the room; the other pilots were fast asleep despite Starbuck's screaming.  
Starbuck hugged Apollo joyfully, which embarrassed Apollo, although it was tempting to be that close to him . "Ehm..Starbuck, are you all right ?" He gently stroked his blonde hair.  
"Now that I see you, I am."  
"Just try to sleep," Apollo said.

Like every Friday, they had practiced on the Triad-court aboard the "Rising Star" and were now in the locker room. Apollo toke off his helmet, then wiped his wet hair back. From the corner of his eyes, he watched Starbuck taking off his tight shorts. His bottom was so tight and well-shaped.

Apollo had often admired this view, when Starbuck didn't notice him gazing.  
He'd like to touch him, and imagined what it would feel like to squeeze his hips against him, reaching one hand to Starbuck's front . Now, he felt turned on by this idea. He'd never seen Starbuck completely undressed, because he always turned away from him when changing clothes. But today, he seemed to have noticed something.

Starbuck slowly turned around. Apollo looked in another direction at once. Starbuck smiled. "I already noticed that you're watching me." Apollo felt caught, and blushed a little. Starbuck approached him and put a hand under his chin, forcing Apollo to look into his eyes. "That's all right, I know that I'm a hot guy." He seductively stroked his cheek. Starbuck had liked Apollo right from the beginning, but had waited until he was sure that he felt the same way.

Now he was sure that he did. It was getting time for step two. Starbuck was standing naked in front of him, but Apollo avoided looking at him by staring at the floor.

Part 2

The thought of a naked Starbuck standing so close to him, like never before, made his breath go faster. He felt himself physically reacting to Starbuck's gifts, which didn´t go unnoticed by Starbuck. It was impossible to hide anything in those tight pants.

He put his hand on Apollo´s hips and stroked gently over his naked belly. "Starbuck, what are you doing ?!" Apollo said, panicked.

"Don´t be afraid; I´m sure you´ll like it." His hand followed the seam of Apollo's pants. Apollo held his breath. How far would he try to go, and how far would he let him ?

Starbuck's hand approached the bulge in his pants purposefully and stroked with little pressure over it. Apollo gasped. "What are you doing to me ?"

Starbuck thought that his half-hearted protest was just distracting and kissed him on his mouth. His lips were so soft and voluptuous…At first he refused to kiss him, but then he opened his mouth and returned the kiss more passionately and greedily then he had expected.

Apollo´s eyes were half closed when he silently agreed.

Starbuck laid him backwards on the bench, hands caressing Apollo's body, which made him sigh. The hands slipped deeper under the fabric of his shorts, "Oh, Starbuck..!" and  
Apollo arched under his touch when they met naked skin. Then his lips followed and made Apollo almost go crazy. Apollo felt he was going to explode any moment. Starbuck must have felt it too, and withdrew in time. Starbuck watched him twist in ecstasy under his hands, which made him want Apollo even more. Now Apollo lay motionless on the bench.

"Apollo, are you all right ?" A weak sigh was the only sign of life he got. "Oh, come on Apollo, don´t tell me you got enough already!" He caressed his hips and turned him on his belly, which he let happen without protest.

"Oh, Starbuck…do me… push me…really hard," he moaned. Apollo moaned louder.

Starbuck was almost there. "Apollo…I...can´t take it much longer…!" His lover was close again, too. Starbuck grimaced.

Exhausted and tired, both of them sank on the bench. "I love Triad!" Starbuck exclaimed. "I prefer the chill-out." Both laughed.

After they had showered and dressed, they happened to meet Athena and Cassie waiting for them in the Rising Star´s departure hall. "Hello Starbuck!"

"Oh…ehm…, hi Cassie, what are you doing here ?"

He felt uneasy to see her after what had happened between him and Apollo some minutes ago. Cassie hugged him.

"Starbuck, you're out of breath. Have you two been practicing hard again?"

Athena ironically smiled at Apollo. "Hey, my dear brother, you can't fool me, I know what you and Starbuck really do on Fridays. I happened to see you."

Her words hit him like a gunshot. Apollo felt himself turn pale. "Athena !!!"  
He…

…was sitting up in his bed.

Lords of Kobol! How could he even think that way about Starbuck? He was his friend, and that's how it was supposed to be. Anyway, he was thinking too much about him over the last few weeks. That had to stop immediately.

Later this day, when they were on patrol, Apollo avoided talking to Starbuck like he usually did. The order to keep silent was a convenient excuse to avoid having to talk to him. Somehow, Apollo had a guilty conscience. Such things weren't right; not just because he was Starbuck's friend, but also because he was his superior officer. Even thinking about it was inappropriate.

He wondered about Starbuck's disturbing dream; hopefully, they didn't dream the same thing.

"Ehm…Apollo, I don't think that the Cylons are listening. I think you don't want to talk to me. Have I done something wrong ? Or is it because I screamed your name in the middle of the night?"

I didn't know that you can read minds, Apollo thought.

"I was dreaming of you," Starbuck mentioned.

Lords of Kobol!

"I dreamed that the Cylons suddenly appeared and brought your viper down."

Thank you Lords…

"That's not unlikely, we're always in danger," Apollo said.

"Have you ever dreamed about me too, Apollo?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Ehm…yes…one night I couldn't sleep, so I watched you for a while."

Felgercarb

"Oh, yes?" he tried to sound nonchalant.

"You were tossing and turning in your bed, silently moaning my name."

"What nonsense! You must have imagined it. You think you're irresistible, don't you?" he said more snappishly than intended.

A long silence followed after his words.

"Apollo, what's wrong with you? This isn't your way! Are you all right?"

"Damn it Starbuck, have a look at your display; Cylons everywhere!"

The small screen in his cockpit showed a whole squadron of enemy vessels.

"We have to get out of here before they find us, we're outnumbered!"

Part 3

Both Vipers kicked in their turbo and headed in the opposite direction. They had to take a large detour in order to avoid contact with the Cylon raiders, which took them far from their original course. Now the Galactica was out of reach, and the next problem occurred. Starbuck recognized the flashing red light on his control panel.

"Apollo, I'm running out of fuel, I'm already on reserve!"

Apollo checked his control panel.

"So am I. We've got to find a place to land, as fast as possible! We make easy targets when we can't maneuver."  
"Apollo, I've got a habitable planet on my scanner. We can make it; at least I hope so!"

They followed their data to that planet and landed their Vipers on a peninsula. Apollo got out of his Viper and had a look around.

The planet didn't seem to be inhabited, no buildings, no sign of civilization, just beach and jungle. It was very hot and humid so he took of his uniform jacket. Starbuck approached him. "Isn't it a great planet ? I'd like to spend my vacation right here."

"Yes and meanwhile the Cylons destroy our whole fleet!"

"Is there nothing else you can think of? Galactica has many squadrons aboard. They can do without us for a while."

Apollo sighed. "My viper is sending a continual distress call to Galactica. I hope they find us before the Cylons do."

"It's frakking hot on this planet!" Starbuck took off his jacket and shirt. Apollo tried to ignore it.

When he took off his trousers, suddenly it was getting too hot for Apollo, as well.

"Starbuck, what are you going to do?"

"I´ll go swimming, what ya waiting for?"

"But there might be toxic seaweed or jellyfish in the sea!" he protested, but Starbuck was already naked except for his pants.

"Don't tell me you can't swim or are you afraid of jellyfish?" he teased him.

"I'm not afraid of anything! And I can swim quite well!"

"Then come here and prove it!"

In a blink of an eye, Apollo took off his uniform and jumped into the water.

The cool water was pleasant compared to the heat on the beach. They swam and Apollo was faster then Starbuck. "Who can't swim, me or you?" Starbuck started to splash water at him.

Apollo pushed him under water. Snorting and giggling, he came up again. His eyes were as blue as the clear water, the blonde hair was hanging in wet strands into his face.

Apollo just couldn't resist. He leaned forward in order to kissed him on his lips.

"Wow, wow, Apollo. What was that?" he said with surprise, struggling for air.

"Don't tell me you don't know…"

"Apollo, something wrong with you? Maybe the heat? Now, you're frightening me!"

But secretly, he was just waiting for him to make the first move.

His hands started to caress him.

He wrapped his arms around Apollo, both fell onto the wet sand, the waves touching them. They started to kiss each other passionately. Starbuck sight.

He felt the weight of Apollo's body resting on him.

His intentions were clear. He let his hand slip down into Apollo's pants, which were wet with seawater and transparent now.

Apollo flinched. "Starbuck!"

"Just relax ." He started to massage him gently, which he enjoyed while his hand had slipped into Starbuck's pants. That made him so hot. For the first time in his life, he admitted that this was exactly what he always wanted. Starbuck hadn't got all the secret glances and unnecessary close, heartfelt hugs wrong; he must have realized his needs long before Apollo did.

"You've known it all the time," he whispered.

Starbuck nodded. "Yes, but I had no idea how to talk about it. You know I'm more a practical guy." Apollo moaned . "You see what I mean."

He pulled down Apollo's pants and leaned forward. "Oh, …yes… Starbuck…" He went on, which was too much for Apollo. Moaning and sighing, he tilted his head back when he came. Exhausted he sank back on the sand.

After some minutes it was Apollo's turn to make Starbuck happy. He gave him a skeptical look. "I've never done this before…"

Starbuck smiled at him "Everybody is an expert when it comes to licking." And he really was: After a few minutes Apollo's skillful tongue made him moan with pleasure and finally took him over the edge.

Part 3  
Later, both men were lying next to each other on the beach. "Starbuck, promise that you'll never tell anybody about what we just did."

He raised his head in order to look at Apollo. "I wouldn't tell it to Cassie anyway."

He had no idea how to deal with it without hurting her. She would never understand what was between them.

"Good. A relationship wouldn't work back on Galactica." Apollo thought of the talk behind his back with horror. His father wouldn't like it; neither would Athena, who was still in love with him, although he never officially left her before starting a relationship with Cassie and Boxy; he had no idea how to explain it to his stepson.

Somehow, Starbuck was disappointed. "Can't we just meet from time to time and...do …you know?"

"What about Friday after Triad?" Apollo suggested.

Starbuck had hoped that he would feel more for him, but sex wasn't a bad idea.

"I'm looking forward to it," he said. Then he leered at his new lover. "I still don't see anybody from Galactica's rescue team, so what are we waiting for?" Both hugged each other and went on doing what they just did…

Some weeks later back on Galactica:

Cassie and Starbuck were having a picnic aboard on one of the botanical ships. Both were sitting on a blanket on the grass. The artificial sun was shining in such a way that the botanical garden could make you forget that you were on a ship in the middle of nowhere.

It was supposed to have been a nice, romantic picnic, but for some reason there was no such feeling between them. She sighed with frustration. "Starbuck, what's wrong with you ? Since you're back aboard you've completely changed. I was worried, that I might not see you again, but you just don't notice me anymore."

"Ehm…what ?"

She was angry. "That's exactly what I'm talking about. You're always absent minded and you spend more time with Apollo playing Triad then with me! I don't understand you."

Starbuck bit into his apple. What could he tell her? She recognized it, although he tried to behave as usual as possible. He just couldn't tell her the truth.

"Cassie, I'm sorry, but I've had so much stress over the last few weeks, you know – the emergency landing on that planet, being marooned, worrying I'd never see the ship again…I just need time to cope with that…"

Cassie was sure that he was lying; she thought that maybe he was meeting with another woman.

"Ok, then I won't bother you any longer," she said angrily, got up, picked up her basket and left.

"Cassie, wait!" Starbuck followed her, but she walked away without looking back.

Starbuck reported for duty and met with Apollo at the hangar deck. The leader of blue squadron was getting ready for his next patrol when he arrived.

"Hey, Starbuck! I didn't expect you to be back so soon. How was your picnic with Cassie?"

"Very nice. We had such a good time together."

Apollo was a little jealous, but didn't say anything.

"Are you going on patrol with me?"

"Sure."

Starbuck took his helmet out of the board and got into his viper.

Few minutes later, they were in space. When they were far away enough from Galactica,  
Apollo opened a com channel. "I missed you."

"So did I. I just couldn't wait to see you again."

Apollo laughed. "We haven't been separated for even half a day."

"That feels like forever to me. You make me so hot. My joystick is getting hard…"

Apollo laughed again. "Don't you want to tell me anything about it?"

"I'd like to approach you at six o'clock and fire all my lasers at you…"

"Are you sure that I wouldn't start an evasive maneuver?"

"Oh, then I'll attack with a whole squadron of Vipers until there's no way out and you have to surrender!"

"Careful, Starbuck. I'm still the leader of the squadron, I won't surrender."

"Oh yes, you will, I'll have you on your knees. That's easier than destroying the whole Cylon fleet."

"What if I offer resistance?"

"Then I'll show you, what a Colonial warrior can do. I don't take prisoners."

"I'm looking forward to it…"

Sheba was sitting in the officers club, starring at her glass, thinking of Apollo. Was he still grieving for his wife, or was he just not interested in her? That kiss was so embarrassing; he had just ignored her. It was really frustrating.

The conversation at the table next to her was getting louder, so she unintentionally listened.

"Apollo and Starbuck seem to be very close at the moment, if you know what I mean." The pilot winked at his colleague.

"Yes, it wouldn't surprise me to find them together in one bed in the morning."

Both laughed. "They're such hot flyboys…"

Sheba got angry and gave vent to her feelings. "How dare you to talk about Apollo and Starbuck like that? They are just friends; anything else would be ridiculous!" She got up and left the club.

Just in time, she remembered her appointment at sickbay. She needed to get a vaccination.

She figured that Cassie must already be waiting for her, so she hurried to get there.

At sickbay, Cassie welcomed her. She was wearing her usual brown nurse's uniform instead of the beautiful dresses she wore off-duty.

"Hello, Cassie."

"Sheba, I feared you had forgotten the appointment."

"I almost did. I was sitting in the officers club, when two pilots started to speak badly about Apollo and Starbuck, so I left."

This remark made her curious. "What did they say?"

Sheba snorted snidely. "They made implications about Apollo and Stabuck being more then just friends; how ridiculous!"

"Oh!" Cassie thought about it for a moment. Could there be some truth in it?

She filled the injection. "Now Sheba, it'll hurt a little…"

Aboard the Cylon basestar, Baltar received a message from Lucifer. The Cylon bowed respectfully.

"Talk, Lucifer; what is it now?"

"We picked up a scrambled transmission from the Colonial fleet. They seem to be preparing for a major attack on us."

"The Colonial warriors are planning to attack us? Then let's send them a whole squadron of our intercept fighters as a welcoming committee! Give the orders for the final annihilation of the Battlestar Galactica! This time, they won't escape!"

"By your command!"

Apollo and Starbuck were talking when suddenly the alarms went off. Apollo had a look at his monitor. "I got two whole squadrons on my screen! We got to hurry back and warn the fleet, otherwise we'll take severe losses!"

"Got it, Apollo, I'll cover you!"

Both Vipers accelerated, but the Cylons kept getting closer every minute.

A moment later, they were in targeting range and opened fire at the ships.

The Galactica was now in communications range, allowing Apollo to call for reinforcements.

At the moment, the pilots were busy with evasive maneuvers and trying to hit the Cylon vessels.

"Behind you, Starbuck!"

A Cylon raider opened fire on Starbuck's Viper. He got hit at the rear. Flames leaked out of his engines. "Oh, frak, Apollo, I've been hit! Got to try an emergency landing. 'Attention Galactica, I'm coming in hot!'"

Athena was sitting at her station at core command monitoring the battle when she received his distress call:

"Starbuck, repeat!"

"Athena, my engines are on fire; I can't maneuver anymore, reverse thrusters are down!"

"You're too fast Starbuck. Abort landing. Repeat, abort landing!"

"I can't do it anymore. I can hardly maneuver. If I try to alter the course, I'll hit the Galactica and you can scratch me off the hull!"

"How much fuel is left in your tank?"

"It's half full!"

"Vent it into space!"

"Done!"

"Try to keep your course steady and reduce velocity as much as possible!"

She switched to an other com channel. "Attention all fire teams; attention all fire teams: emergency on landing bay one, all teams to landing bay one!"

It was a critical situation, because there was still enough fuel left inside the engine that the Viper could crash and explode, which would set the whole landing bay on fire.

All Athena could do now was to hope that Starbuck kept it under control.

Starbuck watched the hangar bay gate approach faster and faster. He couldn't get any slower. The Viper bounced and bucked. He felt the ship touch the ground, but his speed was still to high for a safe landing; flying sparks would set the gases of the fuel on fire.

While Apollo was busy defending himself against the Cylons, Starbuck's Viper exploded.

Three weeks later

Apollo was on his own in the celestial dome, his favorite place aboard Galactica, watching the distant stars. He seemed to be standing in the center of the universe; only the thick glass walls separated him from the coldness of space outside. Starbuck was dead. He couldn't believe or understand it. Something deep inside Apollo was still hoping for him to return someday, but reason told him that it would never happen. Right at the moment that they'd found more then friendship, he was taken from him forever. This shock of Starbuck's sudden death was too much for Apollo. During the first days, Apollo had been too apathetic to be on duty; he just lay on his bed staring at the ceiling.

Now he felt his eyes filling with tears. He remembered the day when they first met, when they had shared a room at the Academy. At first, he couldn't stand the cocky pilot, he had to admit later. He thought him a playboy who showed off too much, but then he was also fascinated by his easygoing manner, which was so different from his sense of duty. Somehow Starbuck did what Apollo would have never allowed himself to do. He was what he never could be; that gave him a special charm.

In his mind's eye, he saw him getting into his Viper, smoking cigars, playing Pyramid, his voluptuous lips, the twinkling blue eyes, the light blond hair, his cocky smile…That's how he wanted to remember him.

Tears ran down his cheek, he didn't manage it to have a look at Starbuck's body. When his father told him about the accident, he felt like falling into a deep, black hole. If Boxy hadn't needed him, he'd drive his Viper right into the heart of the nearest Cylon baseship and make them pay for Starbuck's death. Rage was chasing away the lethargy. He swore to himself, that he would avenge Starbuck's death.

His shoulders trembled when he sobbed.

Someone knocked at the hatch.

Apollo raised his head and saw Cassie coming up the ladder. Instead of her usual colorful dresses, she wore a simple, black dress. Her eyes were red and swollen, but she was smiling despite it. He was sitting on the floor, leaning with his back against the wall. She sat down next to him. After a long silence, she started to talk.

"You loved him as much as I did."

"We all loved him in a way," he said, toneless.

Cassie looked straight at him.

"You can't fool me. He might have loved you more then he could have ever loved me! The whole ship is whispering about you and him; why don't you finally admit it!" She was angry and disappointed. "There are moments when I hate you, Apollo! You took him away from me! I felt it right after you returned from that mission; something had changed. At first, I couldn't figure out what it was, but then I could see the writing on the wall! You two had fallen in love! " She sobbed.

"Did you come here to argue with me or remonstrate about the way I live my life?" he said, brusque.

She shook her head. "Actually, I came here to give you those letters. I found them…when I had a look at his…things; some are several years old…" She hesitated. "I just had to read them…they're always about the same subject…" She swallowed hard. "Those are love letters in which he tries to express his feelings for you, and it breaks my heart to see you suffering; but at the same time I'm so mad at you!" She reached into her pocket and handed him a bundle of paper.

Apollo was speechless. "Until some weeks ago, I had no idea that he felt anything beyond friendship for me." He turned his head away and stared at the floor. "Now that I can't deny it anymore….yes, somehow I always loved Starbuck; but I never thought that he would actually feel the same way for me, so I tried to tell me that there is nothing but friendship. Lords of Kobol! We're talking about a man! What I did was wrong. Maybe the Lords took him away as a punishment; maybe I even deserve it."

Cassie gave him a shocked look. "Why do you blame yourself for his death? The Cylons killed him! Starbuck once told me that a pilot flies three ships in his life – the one he's trained in, the one he crashes in, and he one he dies in…"

Apollo sighed. "Starbuck was right. Some time ago, he told me that he had had a nightmare about me dying in a fight…How ironic…"

Cassie put her arm around Apollo. "Hating you doesn't bring him back."

He smiled.

the end


End file.
